It's My Cake and I'll Eat It Too!!

I like cake. If you know me, that’s not a newsflash. Something else that’s not a newsflash- if I have cake, I expect to be able to eat it. That’s a natural response isn’t it? Then why when we think people are expecting too much, do we say “they just want to have their cake and eat it too”? OF COURSE THEY DO. I guarantee you that if I go to a party and someone hands me a slice of cake, I’m not going to just sit and look at it and think, “Well, I have my cake, that’s enough. I really don’t need to eat it too.” If I have the cake, I’m eating the cake! We really should rethink some of the things we say. (Now I’m hungry.)

Riding the Turnip Truck

We have a lot of sayings in the South that don’t make much sense to me. “Ugly as homemade sin” for example. Now I know in context it means that someone (or something) is real ugly. It’s the “homemade sin” part I don’t understand. And since when is the plain term “ugly” (defined as: very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance) not enough? Why does “ugly” need comparisons? I digress. This is not my point… my point is just related by another common statement, “I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck.” Translation: “I ain’t stupid.” Although I don’t understand the whole falling off the turnip truck connection to being an idiot, that saying goes through my head when I’m treated like one, which happened recently. Don’t you just love it when someone assumes that you’re as “dumb as a stick”? (Do I even need to touch that one?) Perhaps if I were more humble, such insults to my intelligence wouldn’t be so irritating. Ah, the curse of pride!
My most recent experience was last week when I was asked to give away a conference table we had in the office. I’m a fan of Craigslist, so I listed the table and chairs under the “free” category. Within fifteen minutes, I had received approximately 17 e-mails from people who wanted to come get the table. I responded to the first one, who agreed to come get it. I also took the time to send a quick response to the other 16 people, letting them know it was no longer available. Isn’t this when you’d let it go? Not one guy. He wanted to know if he was even close to getting it, then went on to tell me that he likes to get stuff for free on Craigslist and sell it cheap to people who need it. He said (and I quote), “I know there are some people on there who do it to make a profit. I just want to help people who need it.” Seriously? Well what a ministry… taking free stuff that people who need it could get, then turning around and selling it to them. Now, I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck yesterday. That sounds like a profit to me.

The Name of the Game? Bocce!

I have a new passion, at least on Friday afternoons. For the past year, Scott (my boss) has been saying that our staff needs a Friday ritual- something to celebrate the end of the workweek. I thought leaving work on Friday was a big enough celebration. But, who am I to argue against more celebration? Cigar smoking was mentioned, but not everyone was keen on that idea. I was willing to bring in a blender for some margaritas, but once again… Then it happened. On my way out one Friday afternoon, I stopped by the youth room to ask Steve a question and I spotted the Bocce balls. We decided to play a quick game before I left. We gathered a couple of other staff members and got our game on. Now, every Friday is Bocce day. The winner gains weekly control of the trophy (a Lithuanian flag on a wooden pole- personalized for our “staff competition” – a $1.00 treasure from Goodwill). We have our share of trash talking, taunting, etc., all in the name of competition. We justify setting aside 20 minutes of our afternoon to play Bocce by using words like “teambuilding” and such. Aside from the “anonymous” threatening voice mails I have received, I’d say it’s a success in bringing us together as a staff. If people ask, we say it’s our collective smoke break (without the smoking of course). Unless you count the fact that I win most of the time. I guess there is some smoking involved!!

Outback or just "out"?

We all know what it’s like to crave something. A commercial, a magazine ad, someone mentions cookies, or chips ‘n salsa… or a shot of tequila- and suddenly you can’t think of anything else. You know the feeling. You pick up the phone, call a restaurant, drive over and you don’t even have to get out of the car. Ah, the beauty of curbside service! (This does NOT apply to shots of tequila. Drinking and driving is NOT cool!)

My friend… oh let’s call her “Cece” (name changed to protect identity), knows the power of a good craving. Cravings that stick- sometimes for days. She recently had such a craving and called Outback for some curbside service. Salmon, a side of steamed veggies, and an order of mushrooms. I’m sorry, I think I used the plural form "veggies". At least that’s what she ordered. What she received was two slices of zucchini, two mushrooms, a piece of tomato, and about an inch wide piece of onion (see picture below). Since when does this constitute an order of veggies? Who was it in the kitchen who put those in the container and thought, “okay, that’s enough”? Were they just short on veggies that day? Did they think no one would notice? Seriously. Some people want to get to heaven to ask Moses what it was like crossing the Red Sea, or find out about the statement that Enoch “was no more.” I just want to drive over to Outback and ask this person what they were thinking. Another one of life’s mysteries!

Fair Time is Fun Times!

Grab your halter tops, your Pepto, and your deodorant- the county fairs are opening their gates this month! Whether it’s the rides, the people watching, the funnel cakes, or the hog races, county fairs serve up fun times. The Williamson County Fair is August 3-11. I've never been to this one, but I’m trying it out this year. They have a human cannonball. Who wouldn’t want to see that? Perhaps the most popular local fair is the Wilson County Fair (August 17-25). I try to make this fair an annual tradition. If you go, be sure and check out the popular hypnotist show. Not only is it entertaining (for lots of reasons), it provides an often much needed rest from roaming through the fairgrounds. Even if you’re not the biggest fan of the rides, paying the $6 entry fee is well worth the “people entertainment” you’ll get. I think I’ve been to the State Fair once in my nine years in Nashville. I remember paying too much to walk through the gate, but then spent three times that as I ate my way through the fair. Some people like to ride the rides- I like to eat my weight in funnel cakes and roasted corn. To each his own, I say. I can’t say that I’ll be back at the State Fair this year, but you’ll definitely catch me at the county fairs. I'll be the one covered in powered sugar. Hope to see you there!!