This was initially going to be a different kind of entry. When a pickup truck pulled up next to us at a rest area in North Carolina, I started composing a story full of wit and clever remarks. I found it funny. For about five minutes. There was exercise equipment in the bed of the truck- a treadmill and a stationary bike. The equipment was older and I got the feeling the couple had just picked it up from someone who sold it after they dug it out of the garage and dusted it off. The woman was obese and I can only assume the equipment purchase was her first step toward healthier intentions. Nothing funny about that. It was when she got out and headed straight for the vending area to get a candy bar that I found it humorously ironic. Until I saw myself.
No, I’m not obese and I don’t drive a pickup, but that’s where our differences end. A month ago I declared my intention to live a healthier lifestyle and to lose the extra pregnancy pounds still lingering on my… everywhere. I cut down on sugar and purchased a new workout DVD. A week later I was eating an iced Honey Bun and I’ve yet to get beyond “watching” the DVD. Good intentions got me about as far as they did the vending woman. Perhaps that candy bar was her last hoorah and for all I know she’s wearing out the belt on that treadmill. Somehow I doubt it.
I don’t believe that woman (or anyone) likes being overweight anymore than I like doing squats every time I put on a pair of pants. I, like that woman, defeat myself- even with the best intentions. Sheer willpower is enough for some people. Those are the people who keep the rice cake companies in business. (Little Debbie should send me a thank you note.) Willpower isn’t enough for me. I find myself a bit rebellious and that’s why I don’t “diet”. The very minute I declare I’m not allowed to eat something is the very minute I find myself on the couch with a spoon and a container of cake icing. I need more than willpower. I need a reason. A reason like remembering that my father is a diabetic, that heart disease runs in my family, and that I don’t have anything to wear because I’ve outgrown my clothes and I can’t afford to buy more. A reason like realizing I just brought a child into this world… a child who hopefully has a long life ahead of him and I’d like to not only be around to watch him grow, but to wrestle with him and to catch him when he runs. Then there’s the vanity. I’d like to be able to take a photo of me and my son and not want to photoshop my head on another woman’s body. I’d like to not just be the woman my husband married, but better. Just avoiding the vending machine doesn’t work for me. I have to be able to stand in front of the vending machine and know that more than the Reese’s taunting me through the glass, I want to take care of myself and my family. That’s more than willpower.
Even though my goal is for something more than weight loss, dropping the extra pounds is the easiest way for me to measure progress for a while. So, I’m resetting the scoreboard on the side panel and I’m hoping to lose 15 pounds by Christmas. And if I don’t, I’ll meet you at a rest area in North Carolina and YOU can write that witty and clever blog entry about me.
