The Finger Fork

I was at the mall food court with my sister and her kids. My sister offered some of her chicken to my oldest niece. I reached out to hand her my fork to use as she grabbed a bite of chicken with her fingers.

That’s when my six-year old niece looked at me and said, “Jennifer, we’re from Mississippi- we eat with our fingers.”

My sister rolled her eyes, and Hannah Grace said, “But mommmm, that’s what we DO.”

These are my people.

For the Love of a Ding Dong

I stood staring at the pantry shelves, wondering why we don’t keep sweets at home. There was a jar of hot fudge sauce. I picked it up and thought about eating it with a spoon, like I’ve been known to do with chocolate cake frosting. This isn’t what I want, I thought, and put it back on the shelf. I closed the pantry closet and stood staring at the door.

“I wish we had some Ding Dongs!”

Jon: “Are you having a sugar craving?”

“No. I’m having a Ding Dong craving.”

The next night, I sat in the car at Kroger while Jon went in to pick up some oranges and some cereal. Internet, there are those times in life when God seems to confirm and assure you that you’ve made the right decision about something. That moment for me? When my husband returned to the car with oranges, cereal, and a box of Ding Dongs that I didn’t ask him to get. And in that moment, my entire marriage was confirmed with those round, chocolate-coated, crème-filled cakes!

If I Had a Shovel

Jon and I recently finished the first season of Jericho on DVD. The show examines life in small town Kansas in the aftermath of massive nuclear attacks throughout the United States. As someone who grew up during the Cold War, I know a thing or two about the fear of nuclear attacks. I spent most of my childhood afraid the Russians were going to invade and attack us with nuclear bombs. Of course, movies like “The Day After” and “Red Dawn” certainly didn’t help. I don’t know where my parents were when I was watching movies like this. Probably the same place they were when I was watching “Children of the Corn” and “Cujo”. And while I don’t in any way have an aversion to corn, there may be a legitimate reason I don’t want to own a dog! But, I argue that children can watch movies like this and still grow up to be well-adjusted, mentally healthy adults. And I’m sticking to that even though you’ve read this blog and probably find that debatable.

When I was eleven, most girls my age were playing with Barbies and getting into make-up and clothes. I, however, was plotting this elaborate system of underground tunnels on our 13 acres. That I was going to dig myself. With a shovel. In about a week. The dream was alive until my friend, Tim, asked me to help him dig a fox hole in his yard and the reality of how much manual labor was involved in simply digging a hole resigned me to hope that hiding from the Russians in our barn would suffice. Why Tim wanted a fox hole in his yard is a mystery to me. Although I guess he was also preparing for the Russians to attack- just on a much smaller scale than my elaborate system of underground tunnels. I think he ended up keeping a pet raccoon in that hole. I mean, if you have a fox hole in your yard, you should use it for something.

If nothing else, I can be thankful for the shovel skills I acquired as a child- not just from the fox hole either. When I was seven, our cat died and I buried it in our backyard. Again, I’m not sure where my parents were or why a seven year old girl was responsible for burying the cat, but I was. And I know what you’re thinking after my last post where I came across as heartless toward dogs and pets in general… but, the cat WAS dead before I buried it. I promise. And I wasn’t totally heartless toward pets then either. I wanted my cat to go to Heaven. And I worried about it. So much so, that I went out and dug that dead cat back up every 30 minutes to see if it had disappeared and gone to Heaven. After digging it up 4 or 5 times, I was tired and didn’t care so much anymore. But the point is- I was worried about my cat’s soul. AND, kids who dig up dead animals, more than once, can grow up to be well-adjusted, mentally healthy adults.

Rodent v/s Shark v/s Idiot

I’m sure many of you recently heard about the Florida man who dove off a pier to fight a shark that had grabbed his dog. If you’re a dog lover, maybe you found this story endearing and inspiring. Personally, I found it disturbing. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a dog. If I did though, you can be certain I’d own a dog that could fend for itself. That’s what dogs should do. In my opinion, if a dog can’t protect ME, I don’t see the point. If your dog is… say… a rat terrier, such as the one in this story- it’s asking to be eaten by something. Rat terrier? Think about it.

So, this man- this owner of a Rat Terrier, decided to jump in the water and fight a five-foot shark to save his dog. I’m curious about his wife’s response. The story didn’t mention it, but I imagine the fight with the shark was the least of his problems that day. Or maybe she was proud of her husband for risking his own life- and potentially leaving her a widow- all to save a dog. I doubt it. The man said, “I thought Jake (the dog) deserved whatever I could do.”

How about this response next time? “Well… he was a good dog and we’ll miss him. It’s my own fault though for owning a dog named after a rodent.”