Diet Diary- Entry #8

Dear Diary,
I thought watching the Biggest Loser would motivate me toward my weight loss, but it’s only made me feel guilty about eating a cupcake while watching all those people work out so hard. Man, they are really working up a sweat. I broke a sweat today too. I forget to turn the air conditioner back down when we returned home from running errands and it was hot in this house. I mean the chocolate icing on the cupcakes was runny!

I broke out the Tae Bo DVD the other day, but only made it a third of the way through. That Billy Blanks is in good shape. Of course HE made it through the whole thing. I hope to make it even further when I do it again this week. I should probably increase my workouts, especially since I’ve recovered from those fifty crunches and twenty push ups I did all last week. And when I say “all last week,” I mean last Tuesday. Sigh. This fitness endeavor his harder than I thought.

Changing my ways before it's death by chocolate.

Cardboard flavored popcorn. Yum, yum. I wanted, of course, to buy the kind that was drenched in butter- that I would want to shovel in by the handfuls, but that would defeat my purpose in eating popcorn in the first place. I normally don’t eat popcorn. When I’m living without any sense of awareness for my health and well-being, I eat sugar. And if that were the case now, I’d be sitting here snacking on a king-sized Reese’s peanut butter cup. It’s a lot more fun to not care how few of my pants I can still wear. But since it’s slightly embarrassing to still be wearing maternity jeans when my baby is three months old, I’ve decided to make some changes in my eating habits.

For the record, I have lost 31 pounds since Drew was delivered. Also for the record, I had gained twice that in nine months. Let’s top that off with the 10 pounds I had gained on our honeymoon and that equals something similar to cottage cheese and marshmallows. I know what you’re thinking. How long was your honeymoon? Yeah, that would be a week. Yes, I said 10 pounds. That’s what happens when you go to an all-inclusive resort where there is an unlimited amount of food and drink at your disposal. Three of the resort restaurants offered nightly buffets. We didn’t always go to ALL three EVERY night. For the record.

So, Jon and I both decided we were going to work toward being healthier… after we got back from the Minnesota State Fair over Labor Day weekend. ‘Cause let’s be honest, I’m not going anywhere near the fruit stand at the Fair. Not unless it’s next to the funnel cake stand. In which case I may see the fruit stand more than once.

Now that we’ve eaten our way through the MN State Fair, we have committed ourselves to a healthier lifestyle. I’m not sure how cardboard popcorn fits into that category, other than it provides me with a snack that won’t directly attach itself to my hips… and it keeps me from gnawing my arm off while I think about soaking in a tub of chocolate and peanut butter. And just so I don’t cave into that glorious reality, I’m sharing my endeavor with you. Accountability is a b@#*^. I’ll be updating my progress on the side bar, along with periodic “Diet Diary” entries- although it’s changing my diet, not a diet.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to close my eyes and think of M&Ms while I chew on some more cardboard.

Indicators of Growth

I know it's bad when I see a photo of myself taken less than a year ago and I notice how much slimmer my face looks. Seriously? Maybe it's the lighting, I tell myself. Surely I haven't been eating that much. I dismiss it. I was probably thrusting my chin forward when it was taken. It's a photo trick that makes you look thinner. Or like a freak. Either one. But then I get dressed. I pull on my jeans that I haven't washed in six wears and realize they should be looser by now. Instead, my thighs are screaming for air. I do a few lunges and squats, hoping to loosen my jeans and burn 1/2 a calorie. They are still too clingy. I decide I need to eat better... and less. At the end of the work day, I head to the Y to burn off the soft drink, four cookies, and chips I snacked on during the day. I work out, then feel bad about how undisciplined I was with my snacking, so I comfort my discouragement by eating some chocolate. Tomorrow is a new day and day eight of jean wear. Surely they will be looser!

Diet Diary- Entry #7

Dear Diary,
The holiday season is not doing a thing to assist me with my fitness endeavor. Of course, neither is my lack of motivation. Every time I turn around, someone is shoving cheesecake, or cookies, or some other tasty goodie in my face. It would be downright rude to decline. Being well mannered has its price!

This morning, I came out of the bookstore to discover a truck parked very close to my driver’s door. It was parked in the opposite direction, so the driver was sitting next to my car door as I carefully tried to open it without hitting his truck. He rolled his window down.

“I didn’t mean to squeeze you out there.”

“Thankfully it’s before the holiday, so I can still make the squeeze.”

“Now, you would have to eat a LOT to mess that up.”

I smiled politely and said thank you, but since he was a black man- and black men like women with junk in their trunk- I didn’t really consider it a compliment.

Diet Diary - Entry #6

Dear Diet Diary.
I decided today that I will start counting Weight Watcher points. I start off each day with a set number of points. Every food has a point value, so it's like shopping for what I can afford to eat with my points. So, I have to write stuff down, keep track of how many points I'm spending, etc. I mean, I hate shopping and balancing my checkbook but for some reason I thought this would be a good idea. Go figure.

Exercise earns me extra points. Like, if I exercise at a high intensity level for two hours, I can eat half a piece of cake- right after I regain consciousness.

I didn't join the WW club. That costs money. Why would I want to pay someone to tell me what I can't eat and then watch me step on a scale each week? Why don't I just run down the street naked, throwing wads of cash up in the air? Of course the running would earn me extra points. Something to think about.

Diet Diary- Entry #5

Dear Diary,
Why is motivation so selective? The moment I set my mind to eating well or exercising more is the very moment I start to crave chocolate and feel like vegging out on the couch and watching TV. What’s up with that? I don’t lack motivation. Seriously. Sometimes I get a craving- cake, fries, chip ‘n salsa. I don’t always have those things readily available at home. So, I have to get up, drive to the store and get them. Do you know how much motivation is required for that alone? Selective motivation, that’s what I call it. I need to get to the bottom of this… figure out how to redirect that motivation to more positive endeavors. I think I’ll ponder more on that as I eat some Smarties. Surely that will help.

Diet Diary - Entry #4

Dear Diary,
I’m starting to realize what a psychological battle this whole fitness goal is. There’s a saying that “age is a state of mind.” I wish fat were that way… you know, “fat is a state of mind.” Maybe I’ll start using that phrase. Surely it will catch on. Today I feel like “fat is a state of mine.” I refuse to be defeated by attitude though. If I’m going down, it will be under the oppression of donuts and cake, not a self-pitying attitude. I think I will set goals each week, starting now. This week’s goal- lose at least three pounds in the next seven days. A lofty goal considering PMS is just around the corner and my body will soon go into camel-like behaviors of water retention. I think I can do it though. Of course, this probably means I’ll need to exercise this week. Sometimes I think this fitness goal requires too much of me.

Diet Diary - Entry #3

Dear Diary,
I fear that I’m losing motivation. It’s been three weeks and I’ve only lost three pounds. I’m starting to think that the discipline and sacrifice aren’t worth it. Sometimes a Snickers really doesn’t satisfy, but they are easier to eat on the elliptical. Cake crumbles and then people look at me funny because it makes a mess. Maybe I should get a part-time job at the Y. Then I could say that I spend a lot of time at the gym. That impresses some people. I have a lot of good ideas. I think a vending machine would be good in the locker rooms. Everyone likes a good snack every now and then. I AM glad they put those new TVs on the cardio equipment… and those little salsa cup holders are a great idea. I still haven’t found a good place to put my chips. Maybe I’ll fill out a suggestion card. They can’t be expected to think of everything.

Diet Diary- Entry #2

Dear Diary,
Water retention is a cruel curse on the female body. I see no need for my body to store up excess water. Nashville is not a desert climate. There is no drought. I’m not a camel. At an intake of at least three liters a day, there is no need for my body to think that more water won’t be coming. Why? Why? Why? On a positive note, I have given up M&Ms and french fries on my commute to the YMCA. I am cooking and eating healthier meals and snacks. Still, I only have two pounds to report. Perhaps I shouldn’t have ordered the fried appetizer combo platter for my meal at dinner last week. I DID eat the vegetable plate at a local meat ‘n three for lunch, but I guess fried okra, mashed potatoes, and creamed corn were not the healthiest choices. That “vegetable” thing can be tricky.

Diet Diary- Entry #1

Dear Diary,
Today is the second day of my new diet and fitness plan and already I feel discouraged. I weigh the same as I did yesterday and I’m beginning to wonder if the hours of discipline are really worth it. I’m curious- how long should I wait before rewarding my discipline with say…. oh… a piece of cake? I should probably wait another day or so to see how it goes I guess. I’m also beginning to think that I should exercise. I don’t want people calling me a fitness fanatic, so I think I’ll ease into that. I'm drinking more water, but I need to find out if carbonation, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, phosphoric acid, natural flavors, and caffeine affect the nutritional value.

Food, Fitness, and a Fear of Failure

I have a new goal- I’m going to be fit. Well, maybe it’s not a “new” goal since I have tried it once before. Or twice. Or several times, but who’s counting. My point is, I’m recommitting. I put some thought into it this morning as I was doing some lunges. Okay, technically I was stretching out my jeans, but let’s not get caught up on details. In order to clearly define this goal, I think it’s important to recognize what it does not mean. It does not mean that I will obsess about my body. Not wanting to cry and go for a drink after pants shopping would be a good start though. And, by “fit” I don’t mean skinny. Britney Spears will never be classy and I will never be skinny. Some things just aren’t meant to be. So, what do I mean by “fit”? For starters, I’d like to be able to run around the softball field without needing oxygen. Pulling that tank around the bases really slows me down, plus it makes me look silly. Basically, I’d like to feel stronger, leaner, and less depressed when I shop for pants. This may also help me drink less. These are the goals I will keep before me. And, as with any goal, baby steps are important on the road to achievement. Baby step #1- I will stop eating M&Ms on the way to the gym. Baby step #2- I will stop getting french fries at Wendy’s when I leave the gym. For the past month, I tried not going to the gym in order to change these habits, but I don’t think that was the most effective approach. I also think accountability is key to success. I will consider the shame and humiliation of failure after having blogged about my goal as enough motivation. I’ll keep you posted in a new series of blog entries titled “My Diet Diary.”