Rodent Taunting Ends in Death

There are few things in life that scare me. Walking alone at night, operating power tools, haunted houses, talking to strangers… these are all things I can handle with courage and confidence. If I hear a noise in the house, I usually seek it out, not hide from it. Why then does the sight of a mouse in the pantry send me into jittery convulsions, running like Freddy Kruger is in the kitchen? I’d be fine fighting off a human attacker, or running a chainsaw, but a mouse brings out my inner scaredy-cat. This is a creature that is a third the size of my hand. Imagine how frightened he must be of the giant girl who just caught him raiding the food shelf. That is, until she runs off screaming in fits of fear. Then I’m sure he gets a good laugh and soon all the mice come to the pantry for some free entertainment. That’s how I imagine it.

Well, I refuse to be the butt of mouse jokes anymore. Today, there are no mice laughing in our house. Instead, their little mice minds are reeling over the murder of two of their gang members, whom Allison and I un-affectionately named George and Eddie. At some point during the night last night, there was a walk-by snapping and George and Eddie were murdered in health defense.