Mysterious Mentality

There are some things about life… about people’s behaviors that I understand. I understand that in the South, schools will be closed and Kroger will be packed if there is even a forecast of snow flurries. I understand that people will naturally ask you to taste or smell something they’ve just told you is horrible. No thanks. I understand that some people wake up in the mornings with a desperate need to empty their bladder, but are unable to walk away from the bed without first pulling up the covers, getting them even and completely making the bed before they can go pee. Just me? Hmmmm.

There are a lot of strange behaviors I understand. But there are some I do not.

1. I don’t understand the thinking of someone who walks into the gym shower area and seeing seven shower stalls empty (as evidenced by the open curtains), decides instead to try the ONE shower with the curtain closed. Let’s see… I can see that no one is in these seven stalls, I think I’ll try the one with the closed curtain. Then there is this shocked “Oh, excuse me!” response as they discover me in there. Got more than you bargained for, didn’t you pervert. Bet you won't try that again!

2. I don’t understand why people will call me at work to ask me for someone’s name and phone number and when I start to tell them, they respond, “Oh hold on, I have to find a pen.” Seriously? You just called me, knowing that you were asking for something you knew you would need to write down and you didn’t think about finding a pen BEFORE you called. Not a problem. I was just sitting here wondering how I could waste minutes of my life- you go ahead and find your pen while I sit here and wait. Thanks for calling.

3. I don’t understand people who pull into the gym parking lot and sit in their car, waiting for another car to move so they can park four spaces closer. Do you even realize how incredibly stupid you look doing this? Why don’t you just valet so you can save that whole ten-yard walk altogether. If you’re that lazy, you should just turn around and go home. The gym requires something called "exercise" which looks a lot like walking.

4. I don’t understand men. Okay, not just in general. I don’t understand how men can shower together in the open at the gym, slap each other on the butt in congratulations, but they have to leave that extra seat between them at the movies, lest someone think they’re “friendly.” That’s not contradictory behavior at all.

But, such is life I guess- and life’s mysteries are what keep us interested. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a forecast of cold weather tomorrow and suddenly I feel the need for milk and bread.