You know you live in the South when...

... you see this bumper sticker on the truck in front of you.

"If you can't RACE it or take it to BED, it ain't worth HAVIN'."

Some woman is going to be real lucky.

The Dunkin Donuts Diet

I know what you’re thinking? I can diet and eat and Dunkin Donuts? Thanks to brilliant innovation by the corporation that made its name on fried dough, icing, and lard injected fillings- YES YOU CAN! On a recent trip to Dunkin Donuts, I noticed a handful of new menu options labeled DD Healthy, Smart Choices if you will- mostly flatbread sandwiches of egg whites, or veggie omelets. Kudos to Dunkin Donuts for the effort, but it begs the question: If you’re trying to be healthy, should you really be walking into Dunkin Donuts? Even if you have a “Smart Choice,” when you’re standing at the counter surrounded by glorious scent of sweetness and you have that chocolate laden Boston crème donut staring you in the face, do you really think you’re going to order egg whites on flatbread? I think not! When I’m standing there at the counter, I’m not thinking about my hips. I’m thinking about how many donuts I can order without embarrassing myself. So, “no thank you” Dunkin Donuts on the flatbread- not unless you’re going to coat it in crème filling and drizzle it with chocolate. If I want healthy, I’ll go to Subway. I don’t come to Dunkin Donuts because I want flatbread. I come because I want fried, I want filled, and I want fat.

This is why our marriage will last.

We were driving through an area of Nashville today where it is not uncommon to see hookers. I looked out and noticed a shoe on the side of the street.

Me: "Oh, looks like a prostitute lost her shoe."

Jon: "Or maybe it was a crack whore."

Me: "Yeah, you're probably right. It was a wedge heel and not a spike."

Jon: "'Cause crack whores don't care as much about their appearance."