Four Fingers Pointing Back at Me

Perfect people must be lonely. How else would they live in such disillusion? Surely if they were in relationship with others, they would be waist deep in the mire of reality… acutely aware of every single flaw of their own personality. It is after all, relationships that reveal how very imperfect we are.

How would I realize what a self-righteous driver I am without the jerk who pulls up on a yellow light to block the intersection so that no one can turn? Or, how prideful I can be without the condescending tone of someone who presumptuously assumes that I’m an idiot? And, how on earth would I know how incredibly judgmental I can be without my boyfriend’s habits to cause me to roll my eyes and sigh in that exasperated ‘seriously?’ kind of way?

I don’t think that Jon and I could be better suited for one another, but we certainly have our differences. Admittedly, I have some OCD tendencies. As soon as I turn off the alarm in the morning, I start making my bed. Once I notice dirt on the carpet in my room, I just can’t proceed with life until it’s vacuumed. That would be crazy. And clutter in my room might as well be a sharp pencil jabbed in my eyeball. So, you can imagine it’s hard for me to relax at his house when we have to clear a place to sit on the couch among the papers, books, and random clutter. Maybe that’s why I usually end up looking for alcohol at his house? Hmmm.

Right after I met Jon last August, someone stole the spare tire off the back of his CRV. Every few days after that, he would mention that he had to call the Honda place to check on a replacement. Those days turned into weeks, into months, and a year and three months later… well let’s just say if he gets a flat, he’s up a creek without the proverbial paddle. The thing is, actions like that cause me to form an opinion. I point a finger and label him (and others) as unreliable, undisciplined, and unable to get things done. The judgment sears out of my eyeballs like a light saber. Rolling them sometimes helps.

And then I have to laugh…at myself. It’s the irony. The irony that I am just as flawed and imperfect as those I judge. Or, hypocritical if you will.

I bought a new car last January. Something was wrong with one of the tires when I test drove it, so they replaced it with a brand new one a few days later. After a week or two, I realized that the new tire had a very slow leak, probably due to a bad stem. I aired it back up until I would have a chance to take it back to the dealership. That was ten months ago. It’s really not that big of an inconvenience. I just have to remember to check the air in it every week or so. I’d take it back to get it fixed, but I can’t find the Mazda dealership for the plank in my eye.